Listeners' Reflections

This is your place to publicly comment on the topics and issues addressed in Speaking of Faith programs. React in a personal way, and put into words what this program meant to you.

Submit Your Reflection about "Money and Moral Balance."

The Dangers of Instant Gratification (December 10, 2006)
This show really struck a chord with me. Mr. Dungan is absolutely correct that our society is too focused on materials. I really like his idea of teaching children to share, save, and spend. This could have a great impact on not only children's monetary future, but their general success in life as well. The way Mr. Dungan spoke about our society's obsession with instant gratification made me think back to a psychology study on instant gratification. Roughly five year old children were given marshmallows, and told they could eat them now, or if they waited a while to eat them they could have an extra marshmallow. When these children had grown into adults, the researchers interviewed these people again, and found that the children who decided to wait and get the extra marshmallow were more successful as adults than the children who needed instant gratification. What Mr. Dungan made me wonder is what we are doing to our children's futures when we allow them to have what they want when they want. The effects of this could be more far devastating than we think.

I felt the same way as Mr. Dungan after 9/11 happened. It seems like there definitely needed to be some introspection happening instead of shopping. It just goes to show how material-based our society is. It's a sad day in our country when many people die, and the only hope we have of saving our country is by taking a trip to the mall.

Bonnie Lacey
Minneapolis, MN (KNOW, 91.1 FM)

Will I Always Feel Guilty About What I Have? (December 10, 2006)
Since I was a child I have felt guilty about how much I have. My family was working class. We were able to buy a small house when I was about 12. We never had a car. I took the Sermon on the Mount literally then. I had two coats. But my mother would have killed me if I gave one away.

Now I still feel guilty about how much I have. I chose a career with an upper middle class income attached. Our house is worth less than any of my peers but would seem a mansion to someone in Sudan. My car is 12 years old but the poor are afoot even in America. I have a lot saved for retirement, a small fortune by standards of the poor. I still take the Sermon on the Mount literally. Last year I increased my giving to 20%. When my wife saw our tax return she was furious. She says we need the money for retirement and can only give 10%.

I am looking for answers to the money dilemma that can preserve my marriage (also a Sermon on the Mount value) and allow me to provide more help for the poor.

R. Frank
Silver Spring, MD (Listens to SOF OnDemand)

Deliberate Choice to Reduce Consumerism (December 7, 2006)
One of the small things I do is to try to purchase only second hand clothing wherever possible. This simple step not only reduces my negative impact on the environment, it also shifts my focus in terms of consumerism. Because I have relieved the pressure of trying to look "current" in style issues, I have also noticed a reduction in pressure to get the latest gadgets or to keep my home decor up to speed.

I also managed to avoid buying into the huge list of things that babies "need." We bypassed much of it and only purchased things we actually used. Our child has mostly items which were purchased second hand or were hand-me-downs.

My spouse and I also have an allowance (admittedly a large one) for making elective purchases. This ensures that even with a middle class income, we keep in mind our values when making purchases and limit our spending.

These are choices we make not because we can't afford to do otherwise, but as a deliberate choice to reduce consumerism.

Shannon Dahmes
Minneapolis, MN (KNOW, 91.1 FM)

What You Value (December 7, 2006)
I found this broadcast to be very refreshing. I grew up in a home where money was always an issue. I remember not understanding why all the other kids had so many toys when we didn't even have our own room (all four of us kids shared a room at some points).

Looking back now, I am so grateful for my childhood, and having learned to go without things. I know what it is to simply want something, and to this day it still surprises me how flippantly people use the word "need." We have learned that happiness lies in fulfilling our desires, and unfortunately our desires are petty and materialistic. We get trapped into thinking that if we only had more, we would be content. So our whole identity gets wrapped up in our shiny new boats. And since we have the boat, we need the truck to haul it. And if we are really going to get our money's worth we should have a cabin on a lake where we can make good use of our boat. But what fun is a boat with out jet-skis, or tubes, or all the bells and whistles. And pretty soon we are so bogged down by that shiny new boat that it starts to own us.

Now, as a college student, I am so thankful for the lessons that poverty taught me growing up (and even to say that as an American is a little pretentious). I have taken those experiences and been able to make it through all of my college thus far without any debt or financial aid whatsoever because I understand money's proper place in my life. Do I have it all together? Not at all! There are so many times when I don't feel like I am being a good steward of the resources I have, but I know what it really means to go without things that you need. And when you have gone through that, the wants seems a lot less imperative.

The quote that stuck out to me here was "Are your values really being reflected in the choices you are making with money?" I think that is a great challenge to live with purpose and integrity. It doesn't matter how much or how little you have…could someone look at your checkbook and accurately determine what you value?

Sarah Kelble
Minneapolis, MN (listens to SOF OnDemand)

It's Just That Simple (December 6, 2006)
I am gratefully much further along the way to balance than I was in January, 2005. Two things account for the progress. The least important first: I have lived long enough to have tried way too many of the infinite paths to happiness, peace, and fulfillment that material things promise to provide us all. The problem is: they don't. Even I eventually came to see each new promise as in fact offering but another "arch wherethrough gleams that untraveled world whose margin fades forever and forever when I move." (Tennyson "Ullyses")

Here's the second, much more valuable thing: Through faith I found a way to genuine and lasting peace, joy, fulfillment, and meaning that has very little to do with amassing things. Using Kierkegaard's phrase, the Knight's "leap of faith" takes one to a place where seeing what's important becomes increasingly accomplished by the Divine. Our job then becomes simply trying not to keep driving our car to material places, but relaxing in the passenger seat while God takes us where God would have us go. This Chauffeur is the God who loves us beyond our wildest imaginings and wants the very best for us.

How does one retain this chauffeur service? I think for all of us, it involves a preparation to receive that which God is always offering each of us. For me, this preparation took the form of a sacred commitment to spend at least half an hour a day being with God in prayer and meditation; to chat with God more and more often throughout each day; and as Simone Weil put it, to wait on God. After living this sacred commitment for a year, like a lightening flash, at the alter of my church on January 9, 2005, I realized in a life-changing way that my life belongs to God. By September, 2005, I had left my "dream job" as an attorney, sold my big house and come to Candler School of Theology.

At Candler, I heard the call to use what resources I had accumulated to serve the elderly and disabled that God loves but that we have warehoused out of modern necessity in chronic care facilities where their love and their precious gifts are no longer shared, and where these beloved people wither. Hence, the resources will help to create a hospice model of returning folks to home, family, and community where their love and gifts can be shared, but where funding does not contain the limitations of pendency of death that Medicaid/Medicare impose.

When we are involved in God's work, do we not see things that absolutely break our hearts wide open? Coming face to face with the pain of the most marginalized of this world shows us things that makes accumulating "stuff" just not very important. Sure, material things still have value, and we are called to live in this world of things. What makes all the difference, however, is whether we seek to satiate ego and our pleasure centers (ultimately a never-ending, unsatisfying process); or seek to do God's will. It's just that simple.

Ashley Carraway
Atlanta, GA (WABE, 90.1 FM)

Staying Connected (December 6, 2006)
I enjoyed your discussion of "Money and Moral Balance." This is something I have wrestled with for years, but other members of my far-flung family feel that gifts are a way we can stay connected in spite of our geographic distance. I've considered giving gifts to charities, but have always feared that the charities I choose might not be the ones favored by the recipient. They might perceive this as a way for me to push my own agenda without consideration for their feelings. Thus I was excited about the idea I heard on your program on Sunday of giving checks that the recipient, especially a child, could then give to a cause that they are passionate about.

Lois Braun
St. Paul, MN (KNOW, 91.1 FM)

Revolution of Love and Activism (December 5, 2006)
This is a lesson I try to teach to my students. I teach a class in film and ethics to seniors at Santana High School in Santee, CA. Last week we studied the Danny Boyle film Millions and turned the discussion to the notions of goodness of heart (as embodied in the child protagonist) and giving. The students were asked to discuss whether they thought such goodness was realistic in the modern world. Also they researched different ways to give and different charities. This will lead into our unit on Invisible Children, a homegrown film-based charity to help children in Uganda. Last year we raised thousands for this cause. I am teaching and learning from the generation that will change the world through a revolution of love and activism. It is so exciting to be a small part of that.

Martin Johnson
San Diego, CA (listens to SOF OnDemand)

Striking a Balance as Parents (December 5, 2006)
I struggle with this issue constantly. As a child of the 60s, I was "into" a minimalist lifestyle. Bought my clothes from thrift shops, lived in substandard housing in college on purpose, yet my family was comfortably of means. My mother wanted to take me shopping for nice things in those days, but I would have nothing to do with it. I was a hippie, a free spirit, into hiking and camping, biking and yes, some drinking and smoking pot! But my generation also wasn't bombarded with brands, labels. Our clothes were of our own creation, not some corporation. Abercrombie & Fitch sold quality camping/outdoor supplies. The Gap was basic t-shirts and blue jeans. Consumerism I believe has run amok and I as well as our kids have become total victims of the madness.

I admit, I do enjoy nice things and shopping at times. But it's like a drug. I've had to really work on the "need versus want" dilemma when it comes to making purchases. And certainly for our children, having designer jeans, the North Face jacket etc. has become a social pressure for them, a real sense of need because without, they won't fit in with the cool crowd.

So as a parent, how do we strike a balance? It hasn't been easy for us, especially because we have been financially successful in our careers and do have the financial means to provide these things for our kids. Our only holdout has been buying them cars, which of course many of their friend do have! My hope is that over the years we have instilled in our kids a sense that, for us, the money in our lives was secondary to being happy and wanting to work hard in school and in our careers because of our own sense of integrity and love of life and ourselves, not just for the money.

Mindy Bartholomae
Chicago, IL (WBEZ, 91.5 FM)

Struggle With Comparisons (December 4, 2006)
I give to a lot of causes but I also spend way too much. I've raised my 16 year old twin daughters with strong social justice values but they are influenced by the media propaganda and are fitting right into the mold that we want to break. I take full responsibility for this — I could say no to them, and I often do, but I also say yes. I haven't taught them money management very well. They each have debit cards and must manage that and they do a fairly good job. I teach 1/3 to charity, 1/3 to savings, 1/3 to spend but they rarely make that happen. I worry that once they are out of the house they will have a reality shock when trying to make ends meet without help from me. I am amazed at what I see their friends acquiring. Some have cars before they have their license! Full ballroom parties for their 16th birthday. Expensive designer clothes. The list goes on. I think our strong faith helps them realize that this consumerism is wrong but they still struggle with comparisons at their age.

Barbara Donaghy
Minneapolis, MN (KNOW, 91.1 FM)

Role-Modeling (December 4, 2006)
We have tried to bring money into balance with our lives. Our son is 19 years old now, and is very good with money. He is a "poor" college student, but he works during the summer. He sets aside a percentage of his earnings and gifts of money. He researches before buying. He is able to delay gratification. When the front brakes of his car needed replacing, he had the money set aside to pay for it, without whining. On the flip side, he does spend money on the things related to his avid interests — primarily computers and gaming. He hopes to make enough money to have creature comforts and the extras.

What did we do as parents? From his earliest gifts of money from the relatives, we required him to write "thank you" notes before he could use the money. Then we required at least one browsing trip, with no spending. Finally, we let him use the money as he saw fit — while at the same time, we did not buy things for him to fill the "wish list" gap.

We role-modeled the same kind of behavior with our money — he was able to see us create a budget and stay within it. We gave him gifts of the intangible. For example, for his birthday one year (seven or eight years old), we gave him a coupon booklet. Inside the booklet were coupons for non-monetary things such as "one more book at bedtime." He opened it at his party. I was afraid of what the other kids might say, but it was the gift of the day. All the kids looked through each coupon, with remarks like "Wow, you are so lucky."

Wendy Hill
Sunriver, OR (KOAB, 91.3 FM)

How Influential We Are With Our Children (December 4, 2006)
I was both humbled and filled with gratitude to hear Nathan's presentation. I am his father, and his recollection about growing up in our family reminded me again of how influential we are with our children without even knowing it.

His mother and I are now retired and the one regret we have about retirement is that we don't have as much money to give away as we once did. To compensate for that we volunteer in a variety of ways in the Twin Cities both through our church and with various non-profit organizations.

Giving of ourselves and our money has always been a way of life for us and we are grateful that we have passed this on to our children. I think it was the best gift we could have given them and I hope that other parents will intentionally do the same.

Thank you for your program and for showcasing what Nathan is doing.

Alvin Dungan
Eden Prairie, MN (KNOW, 91.1 FM)

Who Needs More "Stuff"? (December 4, 2006)
For the last several years, our family has chosen not to give gifts to the adult members of the family (we can't help but give gifts to the kids!). Instead, we take what money we would have spent on each other and donate it to a charity. Each family member/couple gets to choose a charity as we rotate through the various family members, so that every 4 years, I get the opportunity to do so. We have given about $2,000 over the last 6 years to charities such as Habitat for Humanity, American Friends Service Committee, and Smile Train.

Who needs more "stuff"? Certainly not I. This feels so much better to me than to gain more material possessions. I have tried to introduce this concept to my husband's family, but they have been very reluctant.

Melissa Holman
Phoenix, AZ (Listens to SOF OnDemand)

Money, Contentment, and Others (December 3, 2006)
I have a sampler cross stitch pattern which contains the following verse that I feel has a great perspective as to money, contentment, and others:

May I too humble be for pride
Too self-contented to repine
And too benevolent to wish
My neighbor's blessings less than mine.

Paula Thoburn
Bend, OR (KOAC, 550 AM)

A Different Story (December 3, 2006)
Today as I whittled wood I listened to your discussion about money and morals and consumerism — and found it though-provoking, as usual. Thank you!

But today the thoughts were uneasy. First it seemed that the preacher agreed with everything you said, even if you hadn't finished the sentence. And you seemed to be in agreement with him too. 100%. That's odd. Then, as he expanded his theme I couldn't help thinking of the Ugly American, solving all problems by throwing dollars at them.

To solve the money/moral/spirituality problem he would give the kids an allowance and teach them to spend, save, and give away, a third to each category. If I were a kid I would quickly learn to please Dad, provided that the allowance was big enough. Dad would give me an allowance; Dad would put money into my piggy bank and Dad would give some money to charity. But if I had to work for the money — that would be a different story. Even today, well past the three score and ten mark, if you send me $150,000 I would be glad to donate $50,000 to charity and put $50,000 into my piggy bank.

Jack Parker
South Range, MI (WGGL, 91.1 FM)

Economic Slavery (December 3, 2006)
I enjoyed the discussion which went well beyond the issue of the Christmas-driven/advertising-driven economy. You might be interested in a specific example in Southern California, where even with full scholarship award, a single mother needs to spend nearly $2000 per month for rent in a safe area near school (even a hovel consisting of a re-decorated garage with inadequate insulation and heating rents for $1650). Food and day care consume so much of any summer salary that credit card debt, and the horrendous fees (as simple as exceeding the limit or late fees raise the existing 24% rate on unpaid balance to close to an effective 50%).

While the credit does permit students to continue during the school year without employment (in the case of a single mother, work taxed at even the lowest rate precludes any conceivable benefit of working part time while attending university part time), this form of economic slavery to those corporations who grant credit is really not much different from the terrible conditions that the Oakies endured in California some 75 years ago, and will not change in any time soon, given that there are really very few advocates for the economically deprived class — especially considering that most US congress representatives are largely in the same boat in terms of financing their own re-election campaigns every two years.

I especially liked the reference in your program to the sad facts associated with the data showing that the single largest growing group of families either facing or filing bankruptcy are those dealing with, in many cases, a single family member suffering a medical crisis, given lack of universal medical coverage that nearly all western democracies provide for their citizens — of course self-financed by taxes, but at least in many cases the costs of medical services and prescription meds are at least sold to the "government" at a somewhat discounted rate.

Has anyone read Harrington's classic from the 1960s The Other America (apparently read by JFK during his presidency) on "invisible" poverty in this country which has now moved from the blue collar classes (and presumably limited to those in the 1960s) to the vast breadth of the middle class and their children who have the arrogance to want to attend college like the upper classes?

Jimmy J.
Westminster, CA (KPCC, 89.3 FM)

The Real Immorality (December 3, 2006)
I value your program and it's varied perspectives on faith.

This morning I couldn't listen. One of the first comments was about the level of credit card debt people are carrying, including student loans, and it seemed to imply immorality. To me, it was blaming the victims. Much debt students have is due to the rapidly increasing tuition costs. High consumer debt and many if not most bankruptcies are due greatly increased health care costs and eroding benefits.

Minnesota taxpayers this year will send $13 billion to Washington, D.C. for war and war-making costs. This is 13 thousand million dollars. To me this is the real immorality. Just $1 billion could provide 100,000 $10,000 scholarships for college students. Just $1 billion could provide health care 547,000 children for a year, or 10,000 housing units for homeless people, or 20,000 public school teachers, and so on. To me this is the essential immorality of our society. We are spending vast amounts of our money not on our real security but to ensure the security of our weapons industry, the oil industry, and our imperial ambitions.

John Schmid
Minneapolis, MN (KNOW, 91.1 FM)

Need for Challenge (December 3, 2006)
It occurs to me that people have a certain need for challenge in their life. We will find a way to implement this need. It isn't a need for things. It isn't a need for activity. It is a need for relevance. Marketing is all about this and it victimizes the most vulnerable in wounding ways. It teaches kids that adults are not valid and are out of touch with the true reality of life, and because of the adults' experiences with the marketing culture, this is quite often true. The balance of life will invent challenges if the basic needs of biology are unquestionably met. I know a woman who cooks for an incredibly rich woman. She has the observation that in spite of how much "quality" they are able to buy into their lives, they find more and more specific ways of judging dissatisfaction into things. She wasn't criticizing, she had just noticed this.

I have long thought that living a good life doesn't require much money. Money can go a long way if you can differentiate between what truly gives you satisfaction and what is really just barking up the wrong tree. I taught teenagers for a number of years. I saw true satisfaction in two classrooms. I taught industrial arts in a small school in North Dakota and the kids would meet in the shop before school to talk and begin their day. They would stand around an interesting project like it was a campfire and talk and eat donuts. They organized haircut days, really, one would bring a clipper and do everybody who was ready. They accepted all the kids of all ages and there was none of the sparring climate that usually existed in the school setting. The other was a room full of 7th graders in a cooking class. They had made a full meal and were all sitting around tables with full settings and the room smelled of the food and they had prepared a quality for themselves that cannot be bought with any amount of money. The room was full of life. I see a lot of emphasis in schools to teach the ways for people to be successful in the most boring of terms. There is so little taught in how to live well. I think some of the reasons for so much trouble in schools today is that the kids see through this. The incentive is phony, the emperor has no clothes. They are confused by all of the messages of adults and very few people are telling them to learn about themselves and not just defend their mistakes.

Tom Opdahl
Swan Valley, MT (Listens to SOF OnDemand)

Removed From History and Reality (December 3, 2006)
Your guest's naïveté when he posed the question "What would Jesus think of the commercialism of Christmas?" astounded me. One may safely presume that Christmas in general and Christianity in particular would appall him. Jesus did not direct the creation of either institution. They are manifestations of an ancient religious group's attempt to distance itself as far as possible from its Jewish roots. To use this topic as the introduction to your program this week just re-enforces for me how removed from history and reality we American Christians continue to be. The problems you outlined today are uniquely American.

I would be interested in listening to programs contrasting American forms of contemporary Christian worship with the rest of the world. Not programs that feature how American evangelical movements are growing around the world but rather how American Christian observances vary, across the Christian spectrum, from our European and middle-eastern roots.

We Americans are rather myopic when it comes to our position in the world. Perhaps there are things we can learn from Christian or Jewish traditions practiced in other parts of the world. We should not be so arrogant to think that other cultures and or countries have not run into these problems before. Perhaps not the exact problems we struggle with but similar challenges on a scale relative to their situations.

The rest of the program however was interesting and thought provoking — as always. My wife and I enjoy your program every week. Most often, we fade off to sleep on Sunday nights following the broadcast.

Mark Ring
Minnetonka, MN (KNOW, 91.1 FM)

What Did You Give and Why? (December 3, 2006)
Just a few minutes ago, the discussion regarding the holidays and the question: "What did you get for Christmas?" was playing on my radio. I recommend changing the question to: "What did you give for Christmas and why?" This simple change in the question can help change the focus from receiving to giving, and the addition of the "why" can help bring the focus from materiality to the thought behind the giving.

I grew up loving Christmas as a time of giving. My parents, and in particular, my father, made the focus of Christmas on giving. When I remember a particular Christmas, I reminisce about what I gave and the recipient's reaction. The whole process of Christmas for my family was about selecting the perfect gift, wrapping it, composing a clue, and the best part — watching the recipient try to guess what it was based on the clue and ultimately open it. The gift for me is the recipient's reaction. We open one gift at a time, with everyone sitting together and sharing in the giving.

Christmas shopping has never been a chore or burden. I shop for people year-round. Shopping for people is about having that person in my mind and keeping an eye open for the perfect thing for them — something they will just love, have always needed/wanted, something I love and want to share with them, etc. It is less about the actual item and totally about the process of identifying just what the person would want/need/appreciate/love.

We got to a point where we all got busy and money wasn't always available. From time to time, one of us would creatively create a gift with a photo indicating what we plan to give to the person. For me, I didn't care if I ever got the intended gift and often never remembered if I did or didn't. It was just as fun to know what the person had thought to give me and to have the joy of sharing in the giving process. The creativity invested in the wrapping and clue shows the love behind it — the all important thought.

I focus on the thought — it is the thought that counts and not the gift itself. These days, it seems to be totally about the gift and not the thought. "I gave my wife a $500 anniversary gift" is materialistic. "I gave my wife a new purse — she needed a new one as her current purse would not stay closed, but she really struggled with trying to find exactly what she wanted, so I looked for what I understood she wanted and gave it to her." This gift demonstrates to his wife how well he understands her and knows her. It filled a specific need and ended up being exactly what his wife wanted. It cost $14. This is true giving and is focused on the thought behind the gift.

Jennifer McDonald
Minneapolis, MN (KNOW, 91.1 FM)

Hope (December 3, 2006)
I have hope since my granddaughter asked for non-perishable food items to give to her church's food pantry for her 10th birthday instead of gifts. Perhaps she inherited my mother's Norwegian gift of frugality, simplicity, and generosity rather than self-focused orientation to life, just as I have for my passion as an advocate for the Amish by writing books, leading tours into settlements, and giving slide-talks to over 200 groups, and even an hour-long interview on our local PBS station. The Amish frugality and intentionality in spending money is a lesson from which we "modern" folks might benefit.

Richard Dawley
New Berlin, WI (Listens to SOF OnDemand)

Higher Priorities (December 3, 2006)
My wife and I each work just enough each week to cover our basic needs. This creates tons of time for our family, friends and neighbors. Working keeps us connected with our community, but we refuse to allow this connection to dominate our time and values. We creates a circle of need (a budget) and live with higher priorities in terms of being a blessing to our family and community.

Patrick Dodson
CA (Listens to SOF OnDemand)

Where Our Attention Is (December 2, 2006)
Krista's weekly newsletter is a welcome visitor to my e-mail inbox every week for which I am most grateful. The programs are invariably informative and well-produced. She and her work are a national treasure. The fact the the programs can be downloaded as podcasts make this service even more valuable. I now listen to them on my iPod when it is most convenient to do so.

The newsletter this week notes the contribution to the program by Jacob Needleman's wonderful book On Money and the Meaning of Life. Needleman's fascinating challenge to us is to consider money very, very seriously because it is secondary, is one of the most provocative ideas I have read in recent years. It's consistent with his approach in all of his books in which he, like many students of the contemplative traditions, calls on his reader to consider whether we are ever aware, moment-by-moment, in every day, of where our attention is. From him I have learned that where we place our attention is our only freedom and all the freedom we need. The insight that not taking what is secondary seriously has great danger in losing awareness of where we place our attention. Money, like other things to which we might pay attention to all the time (24/7 as folks these days like to say), is another way in which we can sabotage our ability and calling, as the contemplative traditions would have it, to cultivate an "independent attention."

Krista's thoughtfully reflective interviewing, conducted in her own voice, using ordinary language is a model of personal integrity and authenticity for us all. It reminds me to be aware of where I place my attention through the deeply respectful and complete attention she gives to her subjects.

Howard Vogel
St. Paul, MN (KNOW, 91.1 FM)

Fundamental Flaws (December 2, 2006)
I enjoy your program very much.

Your program this week reflects so well why I often feel so frustrated listening to your program and themes. "Giving" (by which Dungan really means "personal giving") particularly when functioned with "saving" (which must devolve to "security" and particularly, "security in aging") reflects so well how Americans are far too introspective, egotistic and have managed even to cauterize their morality and religion by economics. Play your program in Antwerp or Mt. Hagen and you will provoke alternately dismay and horror. There are two fundamental flaws in the American psyche you've confirmed by this discussion.

1. We give because some of us can't. Or explained differently: we give because some need. I can't imagine a place in the world throughout history where that is not and has not always been a truism. But the extent to which it is in America, as compared to the rest of the world (and even the primitive parts of the world), reflects American's inability to think of ourselves as a community rather than as competing and often antagonistic individuals. With time the simple matters of man's life become too complex and interlinked to hope that when they don't work well individuals can provide fixes. In a global, highly technological world, battalions of well coordinated experts, driven by benevolent managers, are our only hope for remedy. So if an individual decides to give a third of his income to help remedy homelessness, he is assuring there will be no remedy. Better assume the remedy lies with a (well run) government, like Antwerp, and increase our taxes to a third. How e egoistic it is of us to presume we are capable of relieving suffering by personal giving. But Antwerp and many parts of the socialistic world have moved close to remedying suffering by accepting the third tithe in taxes.

2. That we must agonize how to give, or in your personal experience how to introduce your 8-year-old to the notion, is horribly out-of-date. What you are actually doing is replacing his own fear of being in need with a distant hope others will take care of him. This individualizes the human experience in a very archaic way. It is retroactive intellect, and displays so well how the modern age lost the human association of primitive societies. This struggle is legend, one that I see no end to, but the struggle is the soul of human community, and by circumventing it you deny our very communal soul. More to the point, there is no accumulation of personal giving that will eradicate poverty, distribute wealth equitably, or de-nuclearize the world. But there is evidence of (modern and primitive) societies that appear capable of approaching these remedies. Personal giving in that sense is terribly selfish.

James Heck
Galena, IL (KUNI, 90.9 FM)

Not Talking Does Not Help (December 2, 2006)
When Krista Tippet was saying that "money is not the be all and end all" and she put forth that belief with her kids by not talking about it, she confirmed to me that the entire new-age, not-engaging mode of dealing with the world is ensuring our decline as much as the right wing fundamentalists. Applying the tactic of "no conversation" about the hard things, or things you don't like in life, is exactly what is screwing them up. Whether it's belief or disbelief in something, not exploring your own conversation has enormous consequences! Think of sex, AIDS, the policy of "not talking with terrorists," not speaking of love! Any issue of any consequence — not talking does not help!

Here in the west we are all in the the structure of capitalism…actually we all help create it everyday. The way to change it is to get good at it, explore it fully, and see how it really works — not ignore it. What your guest is saying is, "Engage and learn how to engage so you can engage the way you want to" and not be victim to it. This would also be a good strategy with our so called "enemies."

Katherine Barrett
Bloomfield, NY (WXXI, 1370 AM)

Putting My Money Where My Mouth Is (November 29, 2006)
I try to live by the expression "put your money where you mouth is." It says in the Talmud that after you die and go before God, He/She asks you first "How much Torah did you learn?" and second "Were you honest in your business dealings?" To cheat in business (even if there is a legal loophole), but act spiritual or pious in other aspects of your life is hypocritical at best.

If something is an important spiritual or moral ideal, put your money behind it. I am a 24-year-old full-time graduate student working three part-time jobs without any loans. I live on a tight budget to say the least. I try to spend my money in a way that reflects my Jewish values that prioritize family and charity or tzedakah.

After I pay all the utility bills and rent, I prioritize my money toward health, family, and religion/charity. Although I do not have nearly as much money to donate to countless wonderful charities, I carry extra granola bars each day to give to any homeless persons I see in downtown Atlanta where I go to school. In fact, unless I feel my safety is threatened, which is rare, if someone on the street asks me for money, I give them any spare change or dollar bills.

According to Judaism, charity is an obligation, not an act of kindness. The word tzedakah has been translated in English as "charity," but its root word comes from the Hebrew word, tzedek or "justice." In Judaism, tzedakah, giving to those in need, is a form of justice.

I am living in my first apartment in Atlanta, Georgia, far away from my family in New York. The only way I can see my family is purchasing a plane ticket and taking off time from work. However, I cannot imagine a better investment in my money or time. When I look back at my life, I will not regret the extra $100 dollars I could have made, but I will regret lost time with my family.

I believe strongly in supporting local business, especially local and organic farmers. I loathe Wal-Mart and similar mega-corporations who earn profits from cheating and mistreating their workers. However, it is difficult to always pay more to support a small business, when you know you can get the better deal elsewhere. Fortunately, I found a wonderful organic farmer's market that is inexpensive and nearby, otherwise, I know I would buy the cheaper groceries versus Whole Foods.

I think our culture, specifically my generation, does not want to "put their money where they mouth is." We want to have better schools, affordable universal healthcare, less crime, and low taxes. If you really value education, then you have to be willing to pay. If you value a lower crime rate, then you have to be willing to invest in poverty-stricken communities.

I am currently pursuing a masters in special education and work with children at risk for Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, who all come from poverty-stricken homes. When you see how families struggle to simply feed and clothe their children, and how cuts in Medicaid and food stamps affect their daily lives, it becomes difficult to justify why you deserve to keep all of your earnings just to spend it at the mall.

Now it's the Christmas shopping season, and everywhere I am bombarded with "things" I must buy or be given supposedly to show my love for others or to be happy, thin, and sexy. What if advertising was driven by what you could give to others instead of what you could buy for yourself? Personally, I would be more touched if someone gave me the gift of giving to one of my favorite charities. For my wedding, we plan to register for charities our friends and families can donate to in addition to the traditional housewares. I live in the richest country in the world, yet many of our children go to bed hungry. But that is not as depressing as the fact many Americans care more about owning the latest designer clutch or iPod than if their child's classmate ate dinner last night.

Peggy Echt
Atlanta, GA (Listens to SOF OnDemand)

Much Is Expected (November 27, 2006)
We live in an country with too much, and we are taught that "to whom much is given, much is expected." To teach this to my children I take them to an orphanage in Myanmar each year to work an an orphanage. This has impacted how our whole family spends money. We choose to be very frugal because we would rather spend our money on our "family" in Myanmar than on ourselves.

T.L. Miller
Edina, MN (KNOW, 91.1 FM)

Life Becomes Easier Through Giving (November 27, 2006)
Probably the biggest impact money makes on my life is through the experience of tithing. When money was very tight, my preacher spoke of tithing and how God provides if we step out in faith. During a pledge drive for a new building, I felt God told me to increase my pledge, to double it in fact. Based on my then salary, it would have been a huge sacrifice, but I did make the pledge. Just a few months later, I found another job with a salary that made the pledge easy to keep. In fact, our life become much easier after that.

I continue to make tithes each month. Twice in the last six years I can point to new jobs as a result of prayer or tithing or both. I am trying to train my daughter that money isn't everything. It becomes more difficult each year with the constant emphasis on money in TV shows and movies. To limit the reach, I limit the TV. I am also training her to tithe, although at her young age it is more about the tangible outcome of her contribution. In her case, the money collected by the children of the church support children and orphanages in underdeveloped nations.

Lyn Jackson
Lubbock, TX (Listens to SOF OnDemand)

The Difference Between Want and Need (November 23, 2006)
Because of the media and our culture, it is a continuing struggle. I had Depression-era parents and grew up with a scarcity mentality but also with an example of two people who denied themselves to care for two adopted children and give them a college education.

My youngest daughter at age six (10 years ago today) suffered critical head injuries, and in the course of caring for her, we had to declare personal and corporate bankruptcy. She emerged from the coma paralyzed and unable to speak. Her short-term memory, balance, and auditory memory were gone. My husband stayed home to care for her and other older daughter, and I worked full time. In this experience, which resulted in an amazing recovery for her (We're both black belts in karate and she's an honors student in high school), we experienced the difficulty of living life in this country without savings, or credit cards, or retirement funds. We lived paycheck to paycheck for a very long time. We also experienced life with a disabled child, wheelchair bound for a time, odd in appearance. But the care and support of so many people, her own determination, and the support of her family fueled her recovery.

This experience has helped us know the difference between want and need. We still carry more debt that we want to. Things are turning around financially. We understand that in the midst of all of the struggles, we are so blessed to be together. Our church emphasizes how much Christ cared for the poor and the homeless, and has been in a ministry for the homeless for 25 years. When we live our lives aware of the suffering of others, it softens us and creates compassion not only for them, but for ourselves. We better understand what is important in our lives. If I died tomorrow, I would have lived a life without significant regret. I am not sure I could have said that 11 years ago.

I am very grateful. Sharing material possessions is one way to show that gratitude each day. It also forces me to acknowledge in a tangible way, that I really have "enough." I have more than I need. This addresses that fear of scarcity in me, and helps me live in a way that loves and blesses life much more than I every did before. I am still working on it. I'd like to be more generous than I am.

Lynn Donham
Decatur, GA (WABE, 90.1 FM)

Supporting Social Justice (November 23, 2006)
Money doesn't seem to be part of my spiritual life, only as a means to an end. I believe I'm this way because when I was growing up in the '50s, our family was unable to afford luxury items. We always had enough, but only later in my life could our family really afford to spend for non-necessities.

The above has carried over into my present life, where I've found that having enough is enough. More seems wasteful, so I'd rather put my time and/or energy and/or money to other uses to improve the opportunities for others. Now the problem is becoming what is/are the best way(s) to "help" others/one another/myself. So far the answer for me is to affirm "social justice" for everyone. That is a truly equal opportunity, and realizing that each individual must make that choice. My (and my money's) role is to facilitate developing opportunities for people to be able to make those choices. Now, "developing opportunities" means supporting political, spiritual, social, educational, environmental and economic initiatives which further social justice.

Joel Gingery
St. Petersburg, FL (Listens to SOF OnDemand)

Reevaluating My Position on Things Making Us Unhappy (November 21, 2006)
We struggle with the ever-wanting of more stuff in my family. Until recently, I have attributed the misery around wanting stuff to the bottomless pit of materialism — all those things out there make us perpetually want them, and that endless yearning for stuff degrades us on a spiritual level. This is magnified especially at the winter holidays, of course.

I am in the process of reevaluating this belief, however. I have been believing that it is the stuff that makes us want it, and therefore makes us unhappy. Maybe that is turned around backwards. Isn't it perhaps our spiritual nature to want things, relationships, opportunities, and situations for our furthering development?

Perhaps there is a spiritual component to all things we desire, perhaps these things will in some way assist us on our life journeys. For example, I had been wanting a digital SLR camera that can change lenses, so I would have more freedom and flexibility in my photography. The camera is a means to attaining greater artistic expression, and that can be very good for my spirit. (In fact, I feel the calling for expressing myself through photography, and know it is good for me.) I feel it is reasonable to believe that photography is becoming more and more a part of my physical life here, so the want for the camera could be my natural spiritual drive to continue my development.

This could be true for our children as well. When we pay attention to their wants, we might see their development happening on some level, or maybe we can't see it. But it is happening. Take my six-year-old daughter who has a passion for purses, and putting things inside them. She always has. No matter how many purses she owns, she is in constant seek mode for more. Why? Maybe she is going to be a mathematician some day, and is discovering how things fit together. Maybe she'll be a fashion designer. Maybe a busy mother who has everything in her purse packed efficiently and neatly, thanks to her early experiences. Who knows?

My point is that perhaps I should stop blaming the stuff we seek and start thinking that something greater than I can perceive is at work here. And more importantly, I should stop admonishing the wanter for the endless wanting (whether it is myself or someone in my family) and accept that wanting can really be a good thing.

But we have to balance our wants with our means, yes? And we still need to evaluate all the things we and our children want, and determine if the thing at hand would be good for them, or harmful in some way.

I just began uncovering my own lifelong money issues these past several weeks, so it is hard for me to comment beyond this point. I've been telling myself messages of deprivation for many years, in reaction to my family of origin's money issues, as well as my own experiences. So I really don't have an issue with spending too much on the whole, but of thinking I don't have enough, and therefore, tend to go lean at the holidays. I realize that I am passing this message on to my children, and don't want them to think they somehow don't deserve what they want, or can't have it because there is no money for it. For that isn't true.

Kristy H.
Tucson, AZ (Listens to SOF OnDemand)

Vetoing the "Choice" (November 20, 2006)
From the time my children were young, I encouraged the idea that when we spent money, we spend it in the right way. "Can we afford to spend $100 on a pair of shoes?" "Yes, but… is that the best use of $100? With that money we could buy shoes for $35, a shirt and pants, and still have a third of it left to give to someone else who needs it more. Which is the best use of the money?"

I would ask my kids. Too bad if they said the expensive shoes; I vetoed that choice. As a teen, my daughter said she had to have brand-name clothes in order to have friends. We discussed whether you want "friends" who only like you because of what you wear. She agreed that real friends don't choose you because of what you wear. It was hard at first, but she began to be proud of her strength in standing up for what was right, even if it meant she wasn't part of the popular crowd.

Freda Shamma
Cincinnati, OH (WVXU, 91.7 FM)

Like a Good Dance Partner (November 20, 2006)
I made a conscious choice to honor my parents' religion and spirituality for which they sacrificed to send five children to Catholic schools and colleges. Their sacrifice said religion had to be important, and that I am important and loved. So I had a good examaple to follow, a good foundation.

I was able to have a career (not a job) in the federal government/executive branch, where I was never asked to do anything wrong or immoral. The standards were high, and the caliber of people often wonderful. (Can't say the same about the pay.)

I always practiced the ancient Greek ideal of a healthy mind in a healthy body. I keep trying to learn and grow. A challenge for me is still to recognize and accept that my life is only partly in my control; God seems rather more like a good dance partner (i.e. dancing where there is contact and communication).

I believe with spirituality and religion, balance can be achieved. I'm doubtful if it can be achieved without religion and spirituality.

John Metzler
McLean, VA (WETA, 90.9 FM)

Simplifying My Life for a Better Lifestyle (November 19, 2006)
I do not feel that we succeed, but it is something that we consider important and are working on. Fourteen years ago I left an 18-year career in corporate purchasing to take a job as a parish business manager. I did it consciously to get out of the materialism of the corporate culture and to take a first step toward a simpler lifestyle. I took a 50 percent pay cut. Soon afterward, we set up a tithing account and began to accelerate our giving to charitable causes. God has continued to outrun our generosity with more return gifts, but we are coming close to 10 percent giving. We still feel like "over-consumers" though and continue to seek new ways to simplify and give back more of time, talent, and treasure.

Jim Masini
Chicago, IL (WBEZ, 91.5 FM)

Struggling with Purchases Even Now (November 19, 2006)
I recently bought my six year old a $250 wooden playhouse for our basement. We live in a very affluent community, and while I would never ever call us disadvantaged, we live on the lower end of the financial ladder here.

One way we have decided to keep money out of the center of our lives is to have my husband quit his job. We live on his consulting income and he sees our children every day, sometimes more than I do (I stopped working six years ago). We felt our lives could have been more "high-powered" (i.e. financially successful) but we valued time more.

I began the story with this extravagant purchase to show that it does creep up on you. Even though I try hard to be frugal, the idea of "giving" to your children so often means buying. I realize that and struggle with it. I did not have much money growing up and I know what it feels like to have too little. I want my children to experience "enough", but most of the time, I think that comes from having "too little" material things and making do.

But two more stories: we were in the city and I bought the children pizza. I refused to buy them drinks because we were sitting next to a water fountain. They were so mad at me and I kept wondering, am I right? I stuck to my guns, but then later on the train we were all thirsty and my son berated me. I told him, we might have thrown the bottle away by now!

Finally, we were at a children's book signing and, as a special treat, I bought my son a very expensive hardback book $18.25!, which the author graciously signed. However, I was proud beyond measure that my daughter did not blink when I told her to put hers back — we were only buying one. I rarely get "me too" from my kids because we have taught them to share.

R. Walter
Bronxville, NY (WNYC, 93.9 FM)

Possessions, A Poem (November 16, 2006)
Here is a poem that reflects my new, more balanced attitude about money and possessions:

Possessions

If I should possess a shiny new car,
On Monday, I must work to keep my car shiny.

If I should possess a perfect face and a perfect body,
On Tuesday, I must work at the gym to keep myself looking perfect.

If I should possess a large, beautiful house,
On Wednesday, I must work to keep my house beautiful.

If I should possess a home in an exclusive neighborhood,
On Thursday, I must fight to keep my neighborhood exclusive.

If I should possess great works of art,
On Friday, I must work to pay for and insure my treasures.

If I should possess a powerful position and a stellar reputation,
On Saturday, I must work to protect my reputation and guard my base of power.

If my denomination should possess the "true faith" and "true path",
On Sunday, we must fight to defend against those that do not share our beliefs.

But if I seek to possess nothing…
on Monday, I have time to stroll along the glimmering waterfront…
on Tuesday, I am free to exercise my mind with the word of God…
on Wednesday, I have time to visit my neighbor's house…
on Thursday, I am free to welcome the stranger into my neighborhood…
on Friday, I am free to share great art works at the museum…
on Saturday, I am free to make mistakes…
on Sunday, we are free to open our doors to all who would enter.

If I possess nothing, I possess everything.

Jesus, your message was simple and yet profound:
the more we seek to possess, the more we are enslaved…
enslaved by lack of time, enslaved by the desire for money.

Loving God, through the power of your spirit,
share with us the grace and the courage to seek to possess nothing,
so we may have the freedom to fully experience your kingdom
and all you have created.

Jeff Dols
Eagan, MN (KNOW, 91.1 FM)

Reconciling My Ideology with My Reality (November 16, 2006)
I find myself in a moral quandary that seems to center on money and economic class. My husband and I recently had a baby girl. Discussions with friends often turn to education, and Steve and I are already worried about how to provide the very best possible education to our daughter. The public schools in our area are reputed to be pretty bad, but private schools would be a definite financial stretch for us. This is a stretch we would make to ensure the best for our girl.

I have always thought that I believed in public education philosophically. In a recent discussion with a friend who sent her son to public school, I said, "But what if the schools are just terrible. Wouldn't you do something else then?" She replied, "If the schools are terrible, then they're terrible for all the children. We have to work with the schools to make it better for all of them."

This floored me. On a moral, ethical level, she was absolutely right. It's funny how my ethics can really bend when it inconveniences me, or costs me something, to do the ethical thing. As a Christian, I am asked to sacrifice for the sake of others. This is much easier when it involves only a bit of time or money. When my daughter's education is at stake, my stand becomes so much more selfish. Without money, I would have no choice about my daughter's education. Money gives me the opportunity to conveniently remove myself and my family from the struggles of people who have less. My husband and I have several years until we have to make a decision on this issue, thank goodness, but it is extremely difficult.

Ginger Watson
Fort Worth, Texas (Listens to SOF OnDemand)

Controlling the Amount of Stuff (November 16, 2006)
I do not feel have succeeded in this in many areas of my life yet and am really wrestling with this. In a lot of areas it is deeds already done and the piper must be paid from the thoughtlessness of the past. However, one thing I have decided from here on is to control the amount of "stuff" that comes in and that I spend on, and one way I am doing this related to the holidays is to declare a moratorium on material gifts.

If people want to do gifting my wish is that it be in the form of contributions to things like TEVA, ERD, Heifer, etc. I have the catalogs, Web addresses, etc. available to people to make it easy for them and tell them how much I would love chickens or a goat for Christmas, and also am letting them know that this is what I am planning to be giving. So far the response has been good!

Kate Hennessy
Marshall, MN (KNOW, 91.1 FM)

Giving and Reducing (November 16, 2006)
This Christmas we are asking our family to give us gifts in the form of contributions to organizations that can help reduce global warming, as the news about the speed of the effects of climate change grows more and more alarming. Our favorites are Environmental Defense, The Nature Conservancy, and Texas Campaign for the Environment. They could also give RECs (Carbon Credits) from Texas Interfaith Power and Light.

Martha Rogers
Austin, TX (Listens to SOF OnDemand)